Well, yes, that's the question. Right now I would say it's a 50/50 per cent chance. I have had good days, and I have had bad days (a lot!!!), but the fatigue definitely has become more manageable over time. Last week, I decided that I'm going to compose some sort of list with things I should at least be able to do before I can even think of going to the start of the event. Starting the event, but not being sure if I can finish it, is something I'm okay with. - And when are we ever 100% sure we can finish an ultra?
So, to help you understand: the biggest thing Covid did to me was that it basically reset my brain. It didn't delete any information, but it eroded my ability to process (the) information. If I try to do too much anyway, I get this strange tight feeling in my head, which sometimes turns into a headache. My thoughts get stuck, and I get extremely tired from it.
Recovering from something like this is very tricky. With - for example - an injured knee, you can use the pain to see how far you can go. But with a 'dysfunctional' brain, it doesn't work that way. If you push too hard, you'll have a setback. And the fatigue increases much faster with overexertion than it decreases with rest.
(Honestly, you have no idea what a massive amount of stuff your brain handles in 'just' a single day, until it stops working. It's actually been incredibly insightful and fascinating. It's EVERYTHING you see, hear, smell, think, type etc. 🤡)
The most difficult things for now?
- Unexpected situations
- (Talking to) people I don't know
Why?
- These situations require me to process and produce new information
With this in the back of my head, last week's 'accident' was actually a good test to see how I'd deal with something unexpected and something - confrontational even - with a person I don't know. I was exhausted at the end of the day, but I was still able to finish my thoughts. This actually gave me some hope and motivation to want to try what I did today!!
I've made a start on the list of things I'd need to be able to do to start the ASA Epic, but first I wanted to make sure I could at least ride 100kms. So, here, today has been step 1.
Especially the climbing was tough (but I can partially blame the heavy bike for that) and between kilometre 60 and 75 I was really struggling a lot. It's hard to say what I was struggling with exactly, I think I was just tired. Luckily, the next part of the route was mostly along the Lekdijk, which offered relatively simple and predictable surroundings and traffic. Around kilometre 90 I was feeling somewhat okay again. It's a good sign I can 'recover' a little on the road!! This one might go down as the toughest 100km ride I've ever done, but overall it leaves me feeling optimistic. I'm very tired, but I feel like this is something I'll have processed by tomorrow morning 🙏🏼🌞
OTHER THINGS ON THE LIST SO FAR:
- First and foremost: a functional bike. Originally there was a plan to build myself a new one, but I've spent those savings on renovating my house (because I was suddenly spending my time at home and didn't know when I'd be spending time on a bike again). This means my old bike needs to be brought to life again. Vélosphie to the rescue 🩷
- At least do one 200km ride outside, but preferably two - and not be completely dead after.
- Be able to handle an (organised) event with unfamiliar people - and not be completely dead after.
- Complete at least half a workday as a bike messenger - and not be completely dead after. (= cycling through the city dealing with unexpected situations/phonecalls/traffic/AAH/etc. for at least 5 hours)
- Go on a social ride with at least one person, and see if I can actually be social and still keep track of traffic for an extended period of time.
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