I wanted to cycle the last part of RatN again, because I was still struggling with how to 'frame' the way I treated myself during mostly the last day of the race.
Since today was also longest day of the year, the plan became to cycle as long/far as possible. So, maybe all the way back to Utrecht if I felt like it, or maybe take a train home from somewhere near the route if that turned out to be the right thing to do. I would start on the part of the route where I really started to break down (crying because I was feeling lonely), and made a gravel-route from home to that point, to add some extra entertainment 🤝🏻
The day started out with a personal record: it only took me 1 hours and 15 minutes(!!) to get from my bed to being on my bike. In the first 160kms there were only two things I could complain about:
- Having to go through the same boring part of Nieuwegein everytime I go south.
- MOSQUITOS. I got stung around 25 times while adjusting the position of my saddle 🥹
The rest was all good. Finally a nice summer-worthy temperature, relatively empty roads and a fun variation of gravel.
Once I reached Limburg, I remembered there was a Strava-segment based on and made for the RatN route that covered all the climbs. So I decided to check where it started, and promised myself to at least be faster than what my previous time was. After finishing the segment I would make a plan on how to get home.
Right before the start of the segment, I recognised the street I was in. It was where I stopped and cried for the first time during the race. Feeling a bit befuddled from the memory, I suddenly saw a tiny hedgehog walking on the road. I immediately forgot all about my past misery, and stepped off my bike as quietly as I could, hoping I wouldn't scare away.
The hedgehog seemed to be doubting its disposition towards me. Curiosity was followed by a 'freeze'-response, after which it walked towards my camera again. I walked off the road - so it would follow me - and I instructed my new friend to stay there. I really hope it did 🥹
After this encounter, the climbing started. The Strava-segment was about 70 kilometres long, and I would have to complete it in less than 6 hours and some minutes. If I just kept cycling, that should not be a problem.
As I continued, I was surprised by how well I recognised the roads. Especially given how tired I was when I cycled here the first time. The more I climbed, the more confused I became. Confused by how on earth I managed to do this after 1600kms, a short night, and with a bike weighing 30kgs. And then, the more I climbed, the more I understood what I had managed to push myself through and why I had been struggling so much. Finally, the more I climbed, the more 'feeling guilty about what I had done to myself' turned into 'admiration for what I accomplished'. If that isn't therapy, I don't know what is.
After finishing the segment, I felt like the day had already brought me what I was looking for. Even more so than I’d wished for. I was also feeling pretty tired, so I decided to take a train from whichever train station was closest by. In the train back to Utrecht I discovered I missed the QOM for the Strava-segment by just a little over a minute. Maybe it’s not entirely fair when you’re trying it and you’re not completely worn out from the previous part of the ultra, but I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed by not having been more efficient during my water re-fill breaks. Maybe next time? 😬
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Tldr; guilt > admiration 🙏🏼
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